Prepare your toddler for baby's arrival

I've always wanted more than one child, but since Jordan was born, the idea hasn't seemed entirely problem-free. At first I was worried about Jordan feeling like he wasn't enough. I finally got over this when I thought about how sad I would be if I didn't have my sister, who has always been very close to me. I started to think about it in a way that we are trying to have more than one child because we don't want our children to grow up without a sibling.

I'm sure the kids will be grateful they have a sibling once they grow up, but I would like to get the sibling relationship off to the best possible start. For that reason, I have collected online tips on how to prepare a toddler for the arrival of a baby. Jordan has always been very attached to me, so I've been a little worried about how he'll react to the addition of a baby to the family. So here are some tips I've collected for preparing your toddler for the baby.

Before the baby is born

Tell your toddler about the baby. Nowadays it's known that toddlers and even babies understand speech much better than one might think, so it's important to start talking about the future little sibling as early as possible. I wondered one day why Jordan suddenly wants to lift up my shirt and look at my tummy, but of course it was because I had been telling him how mommy has a baby in her stomach, his little sibling. Of course, he can't understand that it's inside the stomach, but he does understand that something is happening there, because my tummy is so interesting to him all of a sudden and once he even gave it a spontaneous kiss. Then again, the other day he bit me in the stomach when I was telling about his little sibling in the stomach again, so I don't know if that was an intentional attack against his little sibling 😅.

Practice life with a baby. We have practiced baby care together with a doll. Jordan likes it when we change his doll's diaper before his, he likes to put the pacifier in the doll's mouth. He's a really enthusiastic little helper when we change the doll's diaper, he brings at least nine clean diapers for the doll. You can also visit someone who has a baby and that way help the toddler understand what's coming.

Tell them about their own birth. Show pictures and tell stories about both, the time when you were expecting, and their birth, so that it's easier for them to understand what's coming and maybe even relate to the baby.

Include the toddler. Tell what size the baby is each week and take your toddler along to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Show pictures of the ultrasound and let them feel the baby kicking. This allows them to get excited about the baby and their new role as a big sister/brother. The more you cover the topic in advance, the easier it will be for them to get used to the idea. Also talk about what life is like when the baby comes, how the baby requires a lot of attention and may cry at night, just like the toddler did as a baby.

After the baby is born

At the hospital. When your toddler comes to visit the hospital (or you see each other for the first time after the birth), let someone else hold the baby so that you can really pay attention to your toddler and your happy reunion. The baby doesn't feel like such a big threat when they're not in your arms and you have your arms free to hug and hold your toddler. Also, ask guests who come to see the baby either at the hospital or your home, to greet the toddler first, then the baby. The baby doesn't understand the order in which they're greeted, but the toddler needs to feel just as important as the newcomer.

Gifts. You can also give the toddler a small gift when they meet their new sibling, after all, they have just become a big sister/brother, so that's something worth celebrating. If the guests who come to visit bring the baby gifts, you can suggest that they bring something small for the toddler as well.

Spend time together. Give your toddler plenty of time together with you both before and after the baby is born. Before the birth, this may not be a big challenge, but it is also really important after the birth. We decided to both take up one weekly hobby with Jordan starting in the fall, Eerikki the toddler circus and I the English-language music play school. That way once the baby is born we'll both have one-on-one time with Jordan every week. Of course, we get to spend time alone with him also when the baby is sleeping, for example.

Stick to routines. Your toddler is used to their routines, so it's important that they don't change radically when the baby arrives. Try to stick to the toddler's schedule, hobbies and other activities just as before.

Show them pictures and videos of themself as a baby. For a toddler, the idea that the baby isn't a baby forever is very difficult to grasp. Show them pictures and videos of themself when they were a baby, so that it's easier for them to understand that their little sibling won't be a baby forever either.

Help the toddler empathize with the baby. When the baby is crying, you can say something like "Is the baby crying because they're hungry?" or "the baby seems to be scared of the loud noise and that's why they're crying". This helps the toddler understand that the baby has feelings and isn't crying for nothing,

Let the toddler help with baby care. What better way to feel pride about being a big brother/sister and show how big and capable you are than to be able to help with the baby. Let the toddler be the official diaper hander or whatever job suits and interests them. This way, the toddler doesn't feel like an outsider, but taking care of the baby is also fun for him and their help is needed for that. Nursing time can also be toddler's reading time, where they can read/browse their favorite books next to you and you can help while nursing the baby.

Let the baby wait too. It doesn't always have to be the toddler who has to wait. Sometimes give the toddler what they need first and then help the baby. This way the toddler learns that the baby doesn't always come first, but sometimes they also have to wait and the situation doesn't feel so unfair.

All feelings are ok! It's understandable if the toddler isn't always happy about the new baby, so let them express their emotions, even the negative ones, and teach them that there is no need to be ashamed of any feelings. When the feelings are dealt with immediately and with compassion, they will pass easier so don't worry if the toddler sometimes has negative feelings about the baby. Instead, be happy that they feel that they can share them with you.